How to Handle Sabotage

Anna Delany and Pat Fiducia

Learn how to say "no"

Losing weight is never an easy walk in the park, but when you have to deal with sabotage from others it's more like a hike up Mount Everest. It's difficult enough when you talk your own way out of exercising and into a big piece of cheesecake, but when someone else does it for you, how are you supposed to react?

Recognising sabotage and learning to respond to it effectively are crucial for successful and permanent weight control.

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Are you being sabotaged?

When you first tell people you’re going to lose weight, chances are you get a response something along the lines of: "But you’re great just the way you are!" While that’s kind, and probably well-intended, it would be more helpful for you to hear something like: "Well, I like you however you are, but I’m glad you want to make some changes and take better care of yourself. What can I do to help?" When someone says, instead, that you should "quit worrying about your weight and eat another slice of chocolate mud cake," they are - intentionally or not - sabotaging your goals.

Sabotage can be understood as anything anybody says or does to actively discourage you from achieving your weight-loss goals. A “saboteur” can be anyone – from your spouse, to your mother, to a colleague.

Why people “commit” sabotage

Eat! I made these especially for you

When people sabotage your goals it's usually because they are uncomfortable with the changes you're making and don’t like to have their comfort zone threatened. We all exist in our own comfort zones, where the predictable behaviour of others makes us feel secure. When someone changes, it threatens that comfort zone. Our natural reaction to that threat is to want – consciously or not – to stop the change that caused it, and the result is sabotage. When people want us to be "just the way we were" they tend to say things like:

"I know you are trying to lose weight, but I don't like to eat alone."
"You don't need to lose weight – you look great!"
"Why bother? This is your 10th diet this year. You never stick to them anyway."
"Come on, have just one more drink."
"Stop being so selfish. You don't need to go to the gym. Spend time with me instead."
"Gee honey, you were so good this week, you deserve a treat, let's go out for ice cream."
"I slaved over this homemade, deep-fried, chocolate-covered pie just for you, so you have to eat another piece."
"I'm not on the diet; you are. So why should I suffer? I want to have ice cream, cake and biscuits in the house."

Sabotage can also stem from a lack of knowledge, a lack of empathy or simple jealousy at your determination to improve your body and health.